Like a Flame
by AlenaChen
Summary: What would you do if there was a way to bring the dead back to life? That's the question Marco will have to deal with. And there's no decision harder than this one. Marco X Ace
1. An End

**Like a Flame**  
_Chapter 1: An End_

From the very beginning until the day you died there was only ever you. Shining bright and burning like one of these beautiful and rare sunsets I was never able to witness myself unless I was with you. Because it was always you who pointed the most beautiful things out so blunt and unknowingly. While I only ever covered my mind in work you never understood the importance of. And that's how you became one of the most important people to me: by completely turning my world upside down.

But this is not a love confession -  
it's a silent scream for vengeance.

It was just a moment's hesitation. I know you would have loathed me for it. Time and time again I told you to stop being so rash. But being the way you are, you never listened to me, instead you kept telling me how I was old and no fun.  
And that's indeed what I am and was. A lot older than you. Calmer. There was no way I could behave the way you did. But I admired your liveliness above all other things. In fact, it was that spirit of yours I fell in love with. It was the reason why I never managed to avert my eyes from you.  
And then that one time I did let you get out of my reach was the one time causing your death. I would have told you to 'not go', but I knew I had no right to. All you would have asked me was if I wouldn't have done the same if I was in your position. And I would have done the same. But not so rash. Not without thinking about my actions first. Because I always had everyone else on my mind at any time. And you never really thought about how what you do could affect others in the first place.  
But really, how was it fair that our time ended so soon? How is it fair I never get to hold you in my arms again?

And this is where your journey ends. In a grave on one of the most beautiful islands of the New World, next to the grave of our beloved father. But this is not where it should have ended. You were meant for so much more, I knew it from the day on I first saw you. You deserved so much more than this. And even I – I deserved more than having to carry the people I loved most to their graves. Why do I always lose what's most dear to me? It's like a curse. It makes me wonder if I am even fit to keep on going as the captain of this crew, or if this road is bound to end in a disaster?

Because it's always me. It's always my fault. If I had just held you back. I should have told you it doesn't matter. I should have told you how important your presence here is. I should have offered to go after Teach together -  
I should have prevented pops from exhausting himself so much during the battle -  
I should have told Thatch to get rid of that Devil Fruit immediately -  
I should have...  
I should have known what Teach was planning and that he wasn't one of our brothers. I should have realized he would betray us in the end. But I would have never thought he would cause the death of so many of my nakama and even that of our father... and yours, Ace.

And now I'm left with nothing but regret. And it's eating me up. I don't know where to turn my anger to anymore. I wish I could smash Teach's brain in with my own bare hands and avenge the people he took from me.  
But would following your example and acting so carelessly really solve anything at all? I have to take care of the Whitebeard Pirates now. I have to keep those safe that still carry pop's sign. There is no way I will let myself disappoint them.

I feel a firm grip on my shoulder. Red-Haired Shanks. I turn slightly. "There is someone I'd like you to meet." He says and his voice has this kind of undertone that says that he isn't sure he should be telling me what he's about to say.  
"There's someone who might be able to help you." He elaborates, but then leaves it at that. I nod. I'm not sure what he's talking about, but there's not much we can do at the moment. Our ship is gone, the spirit of our people broken as they grieve for the once we've lost. It's going to be okay, even if someone else leads us for now. Until we get back on our own road and know what we should do. About Teach. About everything.


	2. Self-Doubt

**Like a Flame**  
_Chapter 2: Self-Doubt_

There was barely any light in the room I was sitting. The curtains over the windows were closed. I don't remember why he wouldn't allow the daylight to flood the room, but this somewhat gloomy environment fitted my current state of mind a lot better anyway, so I didn't complain. Not that I would have complained either way.  
I was sitting on his bed. Even thought he had told me to lie down and take a rest, I didn't. The thoughts just got worse when I tried to sleep. They came like a punishment for me trying to suppress it all, even if it was just for an hour or so. But the memories were still too fresh and there where so many things I had to go through again and again in my head. It made me remember how you've always told me I was thinking too much before acting. But there were all those things that could have turned out differently. I tried telling myself I really did everything that was in my power. But maybe, if I had risked my own life just a little bit more, I could have saved them.  
I know pops was willing to die that day. He told me about his plan beforehand and I had no right to speak against it. But even though I knew what might happen that didn't mean I couldn't have changed it or that I had to accept it without trying to prevent it. And even then I might have still been able to save Ace. I should have held back his brother, protected him in Ace's stead. I should have prevented Ace from going after Akainu. But I had been careless. I had let them hinder me. What if that had never happened? If I had never been restricted by those damn sea stone handcuffs? Maybe then I could have... Maybe then the events that day would have turned out differently and you would still be alive...

There was a rustling noise coming from the opposite side of the room, where a huge wooden desk was illuminated by a single candle that had been burning for hours and was now close to dying out. I looked up slowly, the candlelight reflecting in my eyes. It's a dying flame, just like Ace. And soon it would be gone like he was already gone. He had really been just a small spark in my life, but yet had left such an impression on me. He appeared so suddenly and as unexpected as he had appeared he had also left again. Leaving me behind with all these feelings I could barely manage to keep inside and suppressed. Why did it have to be him to leave such an impression on me, when I had been so sure no one would be able to touch my feelings in such way ever again?

The man sitting behind the desk had turned around to face me. The light of the candle was playing in the reflection of his red hair, making it look like it was made of fire. And again the image of that young, black-haired man flared up before my inner eye. How long will it take me to stop associating everything that happens and that I see with you? How long will it take for the memories of you to stop tormenting me so much?  
I try rubbing my eyes to blur the image of his face. How can it be so hard to get rid of a single thought? I had to concentrate. Somehow get on with things. We couldn't stay like this forever. I couldn't. And I knew Shank's generosity would only go so far. For now we might be allowed to stay on his ship, but soon enough we would either have to leave or join his crew. But that would definitely be a betrayal of our father's legacy. That's something I couldn't do. We would have to get back to the way we were and honor what's left of the Whitebeard Pirates eventually. And we would have to do it before our members got used to being part of Red Hair's ship, before I lose any of them.

Shank's eyes were resting on me. His gaze was so intense I was barely able to keep my head up to face him. I wonder what I felt so ashamed for. I'm sure there were perfectly normal things he would have liked to discuss with me. Like what we were going to do, where we were headed. Maybe tell me who he wanted me to meet. So, why did I feel like whatever he was going to say would be painful and specifically something I really did not want to hear nor talk about?

And why do I always have to be right about these things?

He lowered his head and supported it with his hand. Narrowing his eyes he looked at me in a nearly curious way. "Tell me, Marco." Was that my heart suddenly beating faster and so unbearably loud? Fearfully anticipating what he was about to ask, because there were so many things inside of me I really did not want anyone to find out about? There were so many selfish, dark thoughts.  
"Why have you been staying locked up in here? I told you to rest, but you wouldn't. So why didn't you go talk to your people, I'm sure they'd need it." Silence followed. I swallowed hard.  
How could I possibly face them, talk to them even? How could I have possible given them the comfort they need? Wouldn't it sound like a lie coming from me? Marco the Phoenix. Marco: the person who can't die. How could I possibly fear death? And yet it's death I fear the most. They shouldn't have died. I should have protected them, died instead if that had been what it needed.  
I don't know what to tell those that remain, because I don't even know what to tell myself. I want to take the blame, but I know I can't in front of everyone, because it would sound so foolish. I want to tell them how sad this all is and how it shouldn't have happened, but I'd feel so hypocritical doing that. I wish I could tell them that it wasn't all for nothing and that there's a bright future still waiting for us.  
But I can't. Because there isn't. There probably just isn't.  
And if I went out there now, they would really expect me to say something, wouldn't they? But there is nothing I can say. I feel so weak right now. So powerless.

"Marco." It's like you were trying to wake me up from all my thoughts, but I just couldn't answer. I hoped you would understand how I was feeling and leave it at that. But things are never that easy. "What troubles you so much? That they died? Or that you will someday be the last one to be alive?" My heart felt like it froze for a moment the very second you uttered that question. It felt like I had been caught doing something I shouldn't be doing. All that selfishness no one was ever meant to learn about, how did you manage to discover it so easily?  
I drop my head onto my hands. The tears reappeared, but I tried hiding them as best as I could. Somehow my thoughts were racing. I need to focus, think this through. Surely it's not that. It's not. I will not allow myself to think in that way.  
In the end I said the first thing that came to my mind without actually planning to say it. But as the words are spoken I feel that that was the whole truth I'd been hiding. "I just wanted to protect them." I just wanted to save them. I just wanted to return with everyone. I didn't want to be left all alone on that battlefield with everyone around me dead. I wanted to take them back with me. "My abilities are so useless..." My voice was so weak I was wondering if he could even hear what I was saying and if he did I wondered if he would understand it.  
I didn't care about myself so much, but being left alone was the last thing I wanted. It's so selfish to think this way, so shameful. It's not like I wanted to die with them. I just wanted no one else to die either. I wanted to protect everyone, but yet I was too weak to achieve anything at all. Why was I given such a power if it didn't help me protect what's most important to me?  
That's why I hated it. I hated being the phoenix. I hated being the one who couldn't die or even take damage.

"There might be something we can do about that though." He said and I look up, surprised. "I don't think your abilities are all that useless, but we'll see." With those words he turned around and continued working on whatever he had been working on before. Leaving me waiting for an explanation of what he had just said in vain.  
But what I wondered about the most was that he did not inquire further. It's like he already knew how things were even before asking any question at all. I wondered if I was really so easy to read, or if that was just the way he was.

+++  
Here's a friendly warning that this fanfiction is going to be sad like that in basically every chapter. So if all this depressive writing ruins your nice days, you should look for a different story I guess.  
This is also more or less the first time I wrote something in a first-person perspective, so I'm sorry if it turns out to be kind of... bad.

I'm also aware the whole 'not able to die' is a little exaggerated. I'm aware he does take damage and stuff, but that's just the way he's thinking about it here.

Alsoo, thanks for the reviews! I really appreciate it ^_^. I'm so happy people liked the beginning of the story, hopefully it wont disappoint you OTL.


	3. Unfair Hope

**Like a Flame**  
_Chapter 3: Unfair Hope_

The flame of the candle had died out as the other man had left the room, quietly closing the door behind him. I had barely noticed and my body jumped a little at the sudden and unexpected sound. And then I was left to myself in complete silence, still having Shank's words repeat themselves in my mind. Why would he say my abilities weren't useless? Couldn't he see what had happened, how I felt about how things were now? He saw right through my darkest thoughts. Maybe he had just been trying to comfort me, but those words were really just empty. There was nothing that could be done now. It was already over. Ace was dead. Pops was dead. Thatch was dead. It's not like they were ever coming back. No one would. In the end I would be the only one remaining, because no matter what, I couldn't die.

I let myself fall back, the sheets of Shank's bed embracing me softly. I just felt really tired all of a sudden, but as soon as I tried to close my eyes flames would flicker in front of my eyelids, reminding me of the moment your fire had been set free on the battlefield and all the hope that had accompanied that moment. So I opened my eyes again, staring into the darkness of the room for a long time, pursuing thought after thought in my mind until it felt like my head was spinning.

And suddenly you were standing right in front of me. Body engulfed in flames, wearing a mischievous smirk on your lips as you looked at me, shortly before turning around and rushing off into a distance that was out of my reach. And then darkness crept in where your warm and comforting flame had burned just moments ago. I tried to reach out and call for you, but I was unable to move my body and my throat felt like a huge force was clenching it, making it impossible for me to utter even a single sound.  
_Don't go, Ace! Don't go, please don't go! Don't leave me alone, please don't! _I was screaming in my thoughts, hoping for you to hear me, but you were already gone. You were already gone... and I fell back and gave in to the darkness that had been threatening to swallow me.

Startled I jumped up and opened my eyes, even though I couldn't remember ever closing them. I must have had fallen asleep unintentionally, but I still felt week and exhausted. It must have only been for a little while. Shanks would be happy I actually took his advice and rested for a bit, but I wasn't and I definitely didn't feel like I had rested at all. My heart was racing uncontrollably and it was just as if I could still see you smiling at me. There were lonely tears finding their way over my cheeks, vanishing in the fabric of my clothes. I buried my face in my hands, tried to calm down, but I couldn't. I knew I had to get it together eventually, but right up to this point I actually thought I would never be able to.

That was when the door was pushed open and banged loudly against the wall, because the person who had opened it had been just too over-enthusiastic doing so. I looked up, my mouth standing open in disbelief. There was Shanks standing in the door frame, actually grinning brightly at me as he made his way over to the bed with swift and long footsteps. He grabbed one of my hands and pulled it away from my face, exposing that I had been crying again, which he didn't fail to note nonchalantly just a moment later.  
"Are you still crying, Marco?" He smirked and I had the sudden urge to hit him right into his stupidly happy looking face, but I held myself back and instead wiped the tears away with my free hand, glaring at him angrily.  
"I actually like that look of yours. Want a hug?" I pushed him away and freed my hand from his grip as I got up quickly and moved a few steps away from him. "S-shut up, yoi!" Was the only thing I was able to say. What was this sudden change of him all about? I knew he could be an ass and actually enjoyed mocking others, but this was definitely not the time for such childish behavior.  
"You wound me." He pursed his lips as he acted as if I actually had. "In fact, I have some good news for you." He went over to the window and pulled the curtains back, allowing daylight to flood the room. I blinked rapidly at the sudden light and it took me a moment to adjust to it. "What are you talking about?" I said, still an angry edge in my voice.  
"We've arrived at our destination." He said as he turned around to face me. "Or will, in a few minutes." He corrected himself as he moved over to the door to close it, presumably to prevent anyone from hearing what he was about to tell me. "You might want to sit down for this, Marco." He suggested, but the happy undertone in his voice still pissed me off way too much to give in to anything he said. "I'll manage, thanks." I returned, which only made him shrug.

He took his time sit down on his chair himself, before he actually started talking. "There's this woman I know." I was sure he knew a lot of women and I was hoping this was not going to be some stupid story about his life or whatever, just to piss me off some more. Or a stupid attempt at distracting me, maybe. I really hoped he wasn't going to do something like that. "She has this really great devil fruit power, she touches you and..." He clapped his hands together to underline his words. "... then she knows everything about _your_ abilities." I blinked, slightly confused about what he was saying, looking for the sense behind his words. "What?" I asked, perplexed.  
"It's something like mind-reading, just that she doesn't actually read your thoughts, but she'll know a lot of crap about you. And it's apparently very interesting, because devil fruit users often don't really know the extent of their own abilities, right?" I gave him an unsure nod, still not knowing where this was leading. He was right of course, we didn't. Usually you would discover what your fruit does and then go from there, finding out the whole different things you could do with it and how to use them to your own advantage. "So her fruit gives her some sort of analyzing ability. Doesn't help herself much, really. But it might help you."  
"How so?" I asked, suddenly feeling very uneasy.  
"Are you familiar with the mystical creature your devil fruit is based on, Marco? Do you know what sort of abilities might still linger inside of you, waiting to be discovered?" His eyes were fixed on me, expressing nearly childish anticipation.  
I shook my head slowly. I forbade myself to let my thoughts drift off into the direction Shanks was trying to push me to think right now. This wasn't true; something like this wasn't going to work. Why was he trying to give me such an absurd hope, when it was absolutely impossible?  
"I'm actually sure you are." He said calmly. "I'm sure you are aware of what I'm suggesting here." His voice was more serious now.  
I closed my eyes and clenched my hands to fists. I didn't want to hear it. This was completely stupid.

"You might be able to resurrect people."  
There was silence after his words. He had said it. There was no way of undoing it now. If I had known Shanks would come up with something like this, I would have never stayed on his ship in the first place.  
"Shut up, Shanks." I said weakly.  
"It might be true though, just think about –"  
"I said SHUT UP!" I interrupted him angrily. There was no way, just no way I had that ability. I didn't. I knew, because I had tried it out myself. When I ate that fruit I found out as much as I could about the phoenix and I did read about the possibility of it possessing resurrection powers. But I sure didn't. The only power my fruit gave me were the transformation part and my ability to heal myself. I was useless when it came to others, I couldn't help them in any way. Which was why we were in this ridiculous situation in the first place, wasn't it?

I barely noticed that he had gotten up from his chair and came closer to me, grabbing my shoulders and violently pushing me against the wall that had been right behind me. "Now, you listen to me, alright?" I averted my eyes from him, but I didn't even try to resist. "I know how you are feeling. I know how hard this is for you. But I also know you are never going to return to being normal the way things are right now. I know the whole thing might not be true, but it is worth a try. I'm not telling you to get your hopes up, I'm telling you to accept the idea that it might be possible." He sighed. "Look. I wouldn't even necessarily support this if it was possible for you. I just think you would deserve it, okay?"  
I didn't reply, I didn't even know what to do or think anymore.  
"I know you've been thinking about it. I saw it in your eyes when we were standing in front of their graves; it was like a sudden spark of hope had been reflecting in your expression."  
It was true. I had thought about it. Stupid as I was I had given myself in to the thought that I might still be able to save them. But that had been a stupid hope, a thought of someone going mad with grief.  
"All you have to do is talk to her for a bit and we'll know if it's true or not." Your fingers were digging into my shoulders and your voice sounded so urging, I couldn't really make sense of why you would suggest these things, what would you gain from all of this?  
I was going to fight back, get pissed at you. I was definitely not going to give in to what you were saying but somehow it had already been too late. The thought of hope had been fed again. It made me feel weird, like there was actually something that could be done. I knew I would regret allowing this, but I couldn't help it anymore. "Alright. I'll go, but then you'll leave me alone with this crap, got that?"  
You let go of me, a grin on your lips once more. "Gotcha."

+++

I can't wait for this story to progress; I'm so excited about writing it. I've actually already been working on later chapters of this, so new chapters might even come more frequently :D.  
Also, I don't think I mentioned this here before, but English isn't my native language, so if you find expressions I used that are plainly wrong, please let me know so I can fix it :3.


	4. Decisions

**Like a Flame**  
_Chapter 4: Decisions_

Shanks and I had stopped talking, because there had been nothing left to say, but his words still weighted heavy on my mind. But then, the last thing he had told me was that we had about fifteen minutes left before we had to go and I would only have two options: I would either come with him, or my chance would be gone.  
But what was this even a chance for? What would I get from all of this? Would my father return, or would I get Ace back, maybe even Thatch?  
This was ridiculous, impossible! How should they be able to come back to life? Why would Shanks give me the hope of something like this?! What if I didn't possess the power? What if I allowed myself to think this could be possible and then it wasn't? Had Shanks even thought about something like that?  
Then there was still the way the red-haired man had told me about all of it. What bothered me was the excitement that had been showing in his eyes. The way he tried to suddenly mock me about the whole situation. What if his motivation for suggesting what he did was actually different from what he said? In the end he had no obligation at all to help me and no reasons for it either that I could think of.  
He might just be enjoying this, or maybe he was looking for some sort of knowledge about devil fruits and this was simply a good opportunity for him. Or it might be about your brother. I had heard that they have a really good relationship and Shanks had actually even expressed his concerns about you before, back when you had still been looking for Teach. Shanks had tried to talk pops into calling you back from your mission before it was too late after all. But it was us who hadn't listened.  
Or maybe this was even all just about your heritage. But bringing someone back for that kind of reason was nothing but cruel.  
Or maybe he just wanted to get pops back into his position to steady the balance of the world once more... But then again, I would definitely not allow something like this and I'm sure Shanks must be aware of that.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Was the time already up? This was too sudden, I hadn't made up my mind yet. There was so much more I had to go through to be able to decide something so important. How could someone expect me to do this? I just couldn't understand... This was something that could not be so easily decided after all...  
Shanks opened the door and popped his head in. His expression showing that he didn't seem too happy about the state he found me in. „Look, Marco. You do not even need to decide this now. There's actually no need to think about it too much before we even know if it's possible or not." He said in a calming voice, but it didn't help. I got up quickly and turned around furiously. „Maybe I don't want to know! Maybe I didn't even want to know that something like this might somehow be possible!"

He was inside the room faster than I had expected. Grabbing my arm and trying to pull me into the direction of the door, but I resisted. I wouldn't go. I had finally decided: I didn't want to this. This was completely stupid and unnecessary and I definitely would not give into it. To me it felt like even thinking about something like this was disrespectful to your death. I was sure you would have never wanted me to be in a state like this after all. Being desperate like this, crazily thinking about bringing you back from the death.  
I flinched as he raised his voice. „You are acting like an idiot. Dammit, Marco! Pull yourself together, you are not a kid anymore, think about your responsibilities, your family! I'm giving you a chance here, don't throw it away!"  
I'm not. I wanted to say, but not a single sound left my lips. This wasn't even a chance, it was only unfair. I don't want to think about Ace in such ways. I don't want to deny your death and think about it as something that is changeable when it isn't. I just... want time to pass and somehow, someday be able to live with things the way they are now.  
But he just wouldn't shut up about it. „You said you'd at least go and talk to her, so keep your word!" He continued as I averted my eyes from his piercing gaze. I sighed heavily. I knew I would be unable to win this argument. Somehow I didn't feel like I would be able to bring across how I was really feeling about this whole damn situation. And it was also true that I had already agreed on doing this, even if it had only been to get rid of Shank's nagging... and I already knew he wouldn't stop bothering me until I finally gave in to him.  
„Alright." I finally said quietly. „Let's go then and get this over with, yoi."  
I felt awful.

His expression quickly transformed back into a broad smile. „If you don't stop grinning like an idiot right this minute, I might change my mind again, yoi." I snapped, glaring at him. His attitude really started to piss me off. There was nothing to be so happy about. We were just going to talk to some crazy woman that has some pretty weird abilities, nothing else. It was not like there was any guaranty that we would really find a way to bring someone back to life and even if we did that didn't mean actually doing it would be a good idea. I missed Ace and pops and Thatch... but maybe the dead should just be left alone. Maybe they liked their new found peace. At least for pops I knew he regretted nothing and he had been sick anyway. Wouldn't bringing him back just prolong his suffering? Wouldn't it only be selfish to meddle with death in such a way?

But whatever it was, it was too late to stop it now. Shanks seemed to have his mind set on going through with this. We would definitely acquire the knowledge he was looking for, but then what to do with it would depend entirely on me. And if the answer we'd get was 'yes, you can actually resurrect people' then I really wouldn't know what to do. But for now I put the thought of that aside. Thinking about it now didn't make any sense at all.

Shanks let go of my arm and left the room again and this time I followed him voluntarily. The sun that had greeted me as soon as I had left the room seemed cruel and unfair and so did the people that had been waiting for me. Looking at me with such hope reflecting in their eyes that I had to wonder if Shanks had told them about what we were going to do. But then I realized that even he wouldn't actually do such a thing and that these people had actually been waiting here because they were waiting for the decisions of their new captain.  
A wave of guilt hit me right away. Acting so selfishly really hadn't been like me at all. Why had I not talked to them when I had the chance to? I'm sure they had all been feeling the same way and even more scared, because they didn't know what was going to happen from now on. Some of them might have been afraid that after losing so many of their brothers and even their father they would now also lose their home. And then there was me: instead of even thinking about all these things and what to do about our future I had been selfishly and foolishly thinking about only myself.

Vista was at my side just a moment later looking at me with visible anticipation, but he didn't dare to say anything. And I wasn't even able to look him in the eyes, I felt like a fool. „I'm sorry." I suddenly declared quietly.  
„What for, Marco?" He smiled weakly. „It's okay if you needed some time for yourself. We all know how you are feeling right now and this really isn't easy... Just..." He hesitated for a moment. „Just remember you can always count on us, alright?"  
I looked up. After being so selfish I really wouldn't have expected something like this. Had it really been okay? Wouldn't others think differently about the whole situation? I really shouldn't have pushed the responsibility away for so long... as soon as Shanks and I finished our business on this island I would set things straight. The Whitebeard Pirates weren't done yet and that's what we would make everyone understand. I was not willing to give everything pops had built up away just because of my own feelings. And I was sure that even Ace would have felt the same about this.

"I'm still sorry. Once we are done here we'll talk about how we will continue in the near future." I said.  
„Done with what exactly?" Izou had joined us, eyeing me suspiciously. „Can't that wait? People are feeling really uneasy because we haven't heard a single word from you since the burial."  
„Shanks wants me do go. I can't refuse his request after everything he has done for us, yoi." I said vaguely, trying to avoid the topic as best as possible.  
„And you won't even tell us what this is all about I guess?" He replied somewhat angrily.  
„We'll talk about it afterwards." I said once more and left them both standing there without giving them another chance to say something about the matter. And while I knew this was wrong, I really didn't know what else to do for now. Telling them what I was going to do was definitely out of the question.

Shanks was waiting for me to come with him, still smiling like this was a great day or something. It probably was for him.

It didn't take us long to reach our destination. The house we had been looking for was positioned at the edge of a small town. Shanks entered it without saying a single word. It was dark inside and there was a smell of cold ash in the air that reminded me of Ace.  
We just stood there for a moment, when a light came flickering on, illuminating the whole room in a strange light. That was also when I saw her sitting there on a chair at the other side of the room.  
Somehow I had been expecting an old woman, but she was probably more around the age of twenty, with long, flowing blonde hair and a really cute, small face and green eyes that watched us carefully and somewhat hostile.

The atmosphere sent chills down my spine. This definitely wasn't a friendly place at all.

* * *

I don't even have any excuses for not updating sooner anymore :c


	5. The Phoenix's Power

**Like a Flame**  
_Chapter 5: The Phoenix's Power_

I looked at her nervously as she didn't move for the longest time. Her eyes were resting on me, eying me suspiciously.  
In the end it was Shanks who broke the silence. "We are sorry for intruding so suddenly." He said, stepping forward and somewhat awkwardly scratching the back of his head. Her eyes shifted to the red-haired slowly. "Shanks." She said, her voice soft, but the tone of it made my scalp tingle in a way I didn't like. It made me feel like I shouldn't be here and I definitely didn't want to be here.  
"It's nice to see you." She continued to add, speaking like this was just a formality she had to get over with. It was apparent that she had no interest in him. Instead she turned her head back to me. "This must be they boy you have been telling me about." _Boy, _really now? She was probably what, decades younger than me and actually called me a _boy_? I felt kind of irritated. Annoyed because of the situation Shanks got me into and more so because I would now have to deal with a seemingly disrespectful person like her. I gulped. Tried to calm myself. Don't let this out on her, I told myself. It wasn't her fault. After all this was all Shanks' doing.  
"Yeah." The red-haired man replied. "That's the one who ate the phoenix fruit."  
She got up from her chair upon this response and made a few steps towards me, all the while not averting her eyes from me for even a second. "This is what he told me: 'there's someone you need to check for me. I want to know if he can bring people back to life.'" She told me matter-of-factly. "Guess what I replied to that." She continues mockingly. "'How's that supposed to work?' and Shanks here said 'he's a phoenix, so why not?'" She came to a stop right in front of me. "So, tell me _boy_,-" I definitely didn't like the way she called me. "Who is it you want to bring back. I know what happened. Your father died." She made a small pause. "But that's not it, right? I can see how that's something you wouldn't want to do. So who is it, maybe the boy that also died that day? Who was he to you?" I felt like her eyes were piercing me, already seeing all of the secrets in my mind. Or my heart even.

"Ace..." Somehow I feel strange saying your name out loud. "Ace and I were brothers at first and then... lovers."

"I guess that explains some things at least." She says mockingly. I didn't like her. She made me feel even more uneasy about this whole situation than I already did.

Suddenly she reaches out, holding her hand right in front of me, but not touching me yet. "If you touch me I will be able to tell you if you have the ability you are seeking. The choice however is yours. Sometimes it's better to leave things in the dark, you know." There was suddenly a small, but warm smile on her lips that made me wonder if judging her so hastily had been fair. "And don't let that red-haired idiot over there pressure you into doing things you don't want to do, because in the end you will have to deal with the situation that results from this and not he." She added with a nod in Shanks direction. "I know what he's like and I'm sure being here wasn't completely your own free choice." She concluded with a chuckle.

I hesitate. Lowering my glance and carefully observing the floor. Just don't think about this whole thing for a moment. But was this really the time to distract myself from making this decision?  
The image of your smiling face flared up in front of my inner eye. I definitely wished you were still here. But you weren't. You were dead. How could that possibly be changed? Could I really get a second chance, make things right this time, protect you like I should have last time?

Ace. I do want to have you back. I'm sorry. I'll do this after all. I know it's selfish, only thinking about me, not considering how it would affect you if it was possible. But I really, truly only want this one thing. Nothing else. I just want to have you by my side again. I've been denying it, I refused to think about it, but I know: I can't go on with things the way they are right now. I can't go on without you. Not without even considering this possibility. If I don't do this now, I will regret it forever. I will forever ask myself what could have been if I had received an answer to the question of how far my abilities can reach.  
So please, forgive me for doing this one, selfish thing...

And so, after a moment that felt like eternity I finally reach out and touch the woman's hand with my own.  
Somehow I had imagined something special to happen. Or maybe that I would feel somehow different. But nothing happens. We stay like this for a moment and then she takes her hand back and slowly returns to her chair to sit down again. She doesn't speak. Doesn't even look at me anymore.  
I wonder if I did something wrong. Maybe her ability doesn't work with me, or maybe she found out something horrible. But probably she just saw that it had all been for nothing. That I don't have the ability and now she doesn't know how to tell me the truth.

I suddenly feel really bad. I'm sorry Ace. I'm sorry I let myself get dragged into this. It had all been for nothing after all.

"It's okay." I suddenly say, my voice sounding weaker than I had hoped it would. Like a defeated man, robbed even of his last hope. "I knew it wouldn't be possible. After all it's ridiculous to think such a thing as resurrecting people as they were really exists... even within the powers of a devil fruit."  
She still didn't say anything, but I could feel Shanks looking at first her and then me nervously.

Another minute passes before she speaks again. "Actually that's not the case." She looks up and our eyes meet, but I fail to read her expression in any way. What did she just say? Somehow that didn't sound like she was agreeing with me on it being impossible, did it? No. I must have misheard what she said. "What?" I inquire, giving her a nervous laugh and then looking at Shanks from the corner of my eyes, who seems to be just as confused as I am. At least I'm not the only one who didn't understand what had just been said.

She continues. "Usually you, as a phoenix, have the ability to be reborn... if you die. But I doubt you have ever made use of that ability, am I correct?"

I look at her, puzzled. "Yes. I only heal myself."

"Yes." She continues. "That's the second part of your ability that usually leads to you never getting into the situation where you'd need to be reborn in the first place, so I was pretty sure you didn't know that you were truly _immortal_."

I swallow hard. I really never thought about what would happen if I ever died. To me that had just been an impossible scenario in the first place. But then again, in the case of receiving too much damage while exposed to sea stone... or maybe dying in the sea, where my abilities do not work... I really never thought about what would happen, if such a situation ever took place. To me, I've always thought of myself as sort of immortal anyway, the last person to be alive when even the last one of my family had died. Just like it had been in the past...

But how did this new knowledge help me in any way? It changed nothing. Even with this I would be unable to save anyone in the future...

"You also age a lot slower than other people." She continues. "Yeah." I reply truthfully. A fact I usually keep hidden. Pops knew about it, of course, but other than that I never really told anyone, though I'm sure there are people who had that figured out already, especially after being with me for a long time.

"So that's why you still look so good!" Shanks exclaims, but I chose to ignore his pointless remark this time.

"I don't see how any of that would be of any help to me though." Get to the point, is what I'm thinking. But of course I can't be as rude as to actually say that. But if there's not more to it, then this whole conversation is pointless and I'd rather have the answer now. Can I or can I not... save people. That's the only thing I want to know now.

"I was getting there." She snaps. "There's a way. The answer is yes. You can bring someone back to life." My eyes widen at those words. I can? I can bring Ace back? Images of him being back at my side suddenly start appearing in front of me. Ace. I can get you back, I can undo my mistakes.

"However." She interrupts my thoughts. "Abilities like that always come with a prize. Even devil fruits sometimes claim something from you to unleash part of their power. In this particular case... there are restrictions. First of all you'll need something of the person. Something that has been deeply connected to them. Their Devil Fruit." Which means, from the people I might have been thinking of bringing back there's only two I can actually bring back and that would be pops... or Ace? I do not even get to choose Thatch? Thatch who would have deserved it just as much. Thatch who had such a pointless death? And even pops would be impossible, because his Devil Fruit was stolen after all, right?

"Don't think about it now, continue listening, boy. As I said, for such abilities there's always a prize to pay. In your case... for you to bring someone back to life, you will ultimately lose your devil fruit powers. Considering that you can only resurrect one person and at a great expense, too." She looks at me apologetically. "You will be using up all of your healing powers to save a life and your devil fruit will then disappear... until the person you brought back dies. It's kind of like a transfer from you over to them. However that doesn't mean they'll receive your powers, because they won't. Their body will act like they have eaten a Devil Fruit, because in fact they have. In Ace's case that's the Mera Mera No Mi. But that fruit has already been regrown in this world, so the fruit that will instead be gone until they die... will be yours. On top of that you won't be able to eat another fruit either without dying, even though you will lose your powers." She makes a small pause. "Knowing that, what will you decide to do, I wonder? "

I didn't know. This was too much too think about for the moment. What should I do...? Somehow my mind felt rather blank right now.

"Well, I don't really care. Anyways, here's the last information you need: to bring someone back you will need their Devil Fruit and tears from yourself in phoenix form. If your tears touch the fruit... the person will reappear where their body lies."

"That's all?" I ask, my voice sounding weird and distant to myself.

"That's all." She replies, still wearing a smile that's rather gentle and comforting. But then all of a sudden, her expression changes and somewhat urgently she says. "I'd rather you leave now, though. You've been here for long enough and there's nothing else I can do for you."

I look up, surprised by her sudden change, but I then nod slowly. "I... thank you..."

"My pleasure." She says and then lifts her hand, pointing to the door with the palm of her hand. She gives Shanks a look I can't really read. "Goodbye."

"Ah." He replies, as if he had just been ripped out of his thoughts. "Thank you for your help. I'll be back with your payment later, but first I'll bring him back to the ship." Payment? So she didn't just do all of this because she's a nice person or something? Figures. I wonder what I've been thinking really.

"I sure hope so, Shanks." She says, shortly before the red-haired man turns around and steps through the door. As I turn around to follow him a moment later, I suddenly feel soft fingers grabbing my arm and holding me back. "Wait." Her voice was nearly a whisper. "There's something else." I turn around and look at her curiously, but also slightly confuses. "There's something Shanks doesn't need to know, so come back here for a minute." I nod and follow her back into the room. Meanwhile, Shanks had left without noticing that I had stayed behind for the moment.


	6. The Downside

**Like a Flame**  
_Chapter 6: The Downside_

"A year." She suddenly says urgently. "What?" I reply, not understanding what she's trying to tell me. "Wait a year before you bring the person back." She sighs as she lets go of my hand, ignoring my confusedness as she continues. "The person you bring back will be healed of whatever caused their death and they get granted the rest of their lifetime, until they die again. You, however... you will lose your right of that." My eyes widen. I try saying something, but somehow I cannot fully comprehend what has just been said.

"You will only get the time they have been dead, but a year is the maximum you will be able to obtain." She looks me straight in the eyes and her next words speak of real honesty. "I'm truly sorry it's like that... I wish I could tell you something good instead." She lightly touches my shoulder with her hand in a comforting meant gesture. "I thought that's something only you should know."

A weak smile finds its way onto my lips. "Thank you." I say quietly before I proceed to turn around to leave her place for good. Somehow my head is spinning, without being able to truly grasp one of the many thoughts on my mind right now. As I leave, I barely hear her wishing me 'good luck'.

Outside, Shanks is already waiting for me. "Something wrong?" He asks. "No." I reply. "She just wanted to wish me good luck. That's all."

"I see." He says and somehow I'm sure he knows there's actually more to it, but just like all the times before, he says nothing about it. "So what do you think?" He asks.

"I don't know." I reply truthfully, because I really do not know what to do with the information I had just obtained. Bringing someone back to life? That still sounded like it was all just a dream. A lie. Something that couldn't be true.

And then there's also what she had just told me. I would only get a year. Only one year. Or maybe it was _at least_ a year. Because trading a life for a life was just the most plausible trade that could be possible, right? Because being able to randomly bring people back just wouldn't be good after all... But only a year...

I wonder if I could be that selfish. Didn't I have responsibilities towards the Whitebeard Pirates? What would they do if I was gone, how would they be able to go on? How would Ace react if I brought him back... only to then leave him alone myself? How would that make him feel? Just thinking about how I was feeling this whole time now... and then making him suffer in the same way... it just... wasn't fair. Could I really do that? Just how selfish had I become, really?

"...arco. Hey, Marco!" I flinch. "Ah, y-yes?" I wonder for how long Shanks has been calling me. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I hadn't even noticed that we were already going back into the direction of the ship, let alone noticed that someone had tried to talk to me. "Isn't this awesome?" He says and my heart throbs upon hearing his words. But he doesn't know, I tell myself. Of course, without that tiny detail she had added, it would have been exactly that: awesome. "You'll be able to bring him back after all. You'll be able to save him now!" He continues. I turn away from him. "I won't." I say, nearly whispering. But of course he heard it.

"What do you mean 'you won't'? This is your chance! You can undo it, Marco. I thought you would be happy."

I stop. This is too much. How could I be happy? I'll only get a year. I'll have to leave him behind. He'll be alone, he'll be in the same exact position I'm now in. I don't want that... "I'm not happy about it though. You should have never brought me to her in the first place, yoi!" I can't help but be angry. Get mad at him. It's his fault. I never wanted to know all of this.

"Calm down, Marco." He says, sighing. "You just need some time to think about it. I understand this is a lot to take in. You'd also need Ace's devil fruit first, so it's not like you could do it right away anyway."

I nod. I don't want to argue with him. It's not like he'd understand.

"Let's go back to the ship first." I nod again and for the rest of the way, we don't speak a single word.

Shortly before we reach the ship, Shanks stops me for a moment. "I'll leave it to you whether you want to tell your crew about this or not." He says, his voice sounding serious. I don't come around to think that _it's not my crew_. But I don't say a word about it. "We also got an extra ship here on this island. Which was another reason why I wanted us to come here. I'll borrow you that ship, because yours was destroyed after all. But we should talk about this later. First of all... I think it's time you talked to your people."

"Thank you for your help, Shanks..." I say truthfully. "I know I might not have acted like it, but I really appreciate it that you helped us... the whole thing just... isn't really easy for me."

"I understand that, don't worry about it too much." He says, with a bright smile on his face and just for that moment, I manage to give him a weak smile of myself in return. Even if that man has been acting like an idiot and talked me into doing something I didn't want to do, I can't deny all the things he has done for us. And even the thing about my devil fruit was just him trying to help me after all. I don't believe he had anything bad in mind when he came up with that idea. It's not like he could have foreseen the outcome of it all.

A little while later, after I had time to sort out some of the things that had been on my mind and after I'd been able to push the whole resurrection-topic out of my mind for a little bit, I find myself standing in front of the entire – or nearly entire assembled Whitebeard Pirates. Shanks is right. It was time I finally talked to them, told them what we were going to do from now on. And so I do. I tell them how hard it is for all of us to have lost this many of our brothers and to have lost our father. I tell them that we will never forget those that died and that we will continue living as the Whitebeard Pirates and that we will continue to proudly wear his sign on our bodies, doing what he had wanted us to do. To be free, to do what we want, as a family.

I tell them that what had happened hadn't been in vain, because standing up for what we believe would never be pointless. I tell them all the things I believe in for our future and even things I don't believe. I give them hope. Hope I don't completely have myself. I wonder when I started to be able to tell lies so convincingly. It's true that I want to do what pops would have wanted me to do, but somehow I feel myself to be unable to completely believe in it myself.

And then, I also don't tell them where I went today. I feel like I'm lying by not saying a word about it. I wish I could tell them I found a way to bring at least one of the people we lost back to life. I wish I could tell them we didn't fail to save the one of our brothers we wanted to save... but I find myself unable to do so. I can't tell them. I can't even make my own mind up about it. Who's supposed to carry the burden of deciding about something like that, if not me? How could I tell them I could bring Ace back, but in exchange they would lose their captain in two years of time?

That woman had told me I have to wait a year before I should even do it. But will a year be enough to come up with a decision? Do I want Ace back at my side so badly that I would give up so much for it? Could I want it so much that I would burden him with having to be left alone again? No. No, No...

I don't want this. I don't want to know about it. I don't want to make this decision.

* * *

Sorry it's a short chapter, but there'll be a time skip after this one.

Oh, poor Marco. So there was more to the whole thing after all :[. Told you this wasn't going to be a happy story. Just sacrificing his devil fruit really wouldn't have been enough after all!

What would you do in his place? You'll find out about his final decision in the next chapter, so I'm really curious!

Alena


	7. A Life Returned

**Like a Flame**  
Chapter 7:_ A Life Returned_

It's been a year since that day. It's been a year since you died. And it's been the hardest year of my life. This whole year I've been thinking about how alone I was, how you are gone. How I won't get you back, no matter what. Sometimes I thought like that. Forgot the incident on that island with that woman. I forgot I could bring you back, if I just waited for a little while longer. I also forgot the prize I would have to pay for it.

Somehow, in the end I couldn't decide which way was more painful for me. Sometimes I thought it would be best to just suppress the idea of it altogether. Accept how things are now. But then there was this spark of hope, always so tauntingly close, laughing at me for feeling so insecure about the whole thing.

Because, after all, how could this decision be so hard for me to make? In fact, it was simple. I wanted you back. I wanted to have you by my side again. Why would I care that it would only be for a year? Even if just for a day, I would probably still want it. I just want to be able to hold you in my arms for one more time, tell you that I love you one more time. I just want these regrets of the past to go away. I want you to know that I'd done everything in my power to save you and I want you to know how precious your life truly is, so that you will never again think that you do not deserve the love you receive.

But even without thinking about this whole thing, the last year hasn't been easy for me. For no one here, in fact. After Shanks gave us that ship of his, we were pretty much on our own again. Of course we did get a new ship of our own eventually, but that took some time. But you should see her. She's beautiful. A beautiful replica of the Moby Dick, just a tiny bit smaller. For a bit we had been discussing if we should create a different ship design, but if I think about it now that had never been a real option. We are still the Whitebeard Pirates after all, so any other ship would have been insufficient.

Our blue whale sails the sea again and soon you will be able to join us on it once more and everything will be back to normal.

Somehow it had gotten a lot quieter since you are gone, too. You had always been a troublemaker, after all. And Thatch had been as well. I wonder how in the past that sometimes bothered me, but now it's one of the things I miss the most about your presence here. We could never completely get rid of this whole silent, depressing mood.

When you rejoin us I hope your laughter and jokes and pranks will fill the atmosphere around us with life again.

We could really need it. We all could.

Most of pop's territories are gone. We failed to protect them. People have been turning their backs on us. An even though I knew this was inevitable, it still hurt. Every single time.

So with a lot of our forces gone, we were only able to keep part of our territory. But that we will protect without fail for as long as we can...

A few months ago, Shanks paid us a visit. Everyone was surprised at the present he had with him for us. It was what brought my hope of seeing you again in the future back. Suddenly, my mind was centered around thoughts of you once more for days, weeks.

Somehow I hadn't noticed there had been a feeling of coldness numbing my body, my mind even, for all the time up to this point. Somehow I hadn't realized that I had been suppressing each and every thought about you. Just not thinking about the whole idea of bringing you back. Covering myself in work every day, until I couldn't help but go to bed completely exhausted, sleeping dreamlessly for too few hours until I got up and repeated the whole process. Again and again.

But what Shanks brought us made me think about it all again. It was your devil fruit. He had told me that he would get it for me, but somehow I hadn't believed him. And as I had been holding it in my own two hands, every doubt of not bringing you back had suddenly vanished.

I wanted this. I wanted you back. And I would do everything to achieve my goal.

But that had also marked the day when I had to tell the others about my plan. They couldn't believe it at first. But slowly, the thought sunk in and they had realized I truly meant what I was saying. Ace would live again. I never told them I would die for it, though.

Jozu hadn't said much about it. I'm sure he still couldn't fully believe it, but once he sees you are back, he'll be happy about it, I'm sure of that.

Haruta had been crying for joy. He's been missing you so much. He hasn't even done any mischief since you were gone, there just hadn't been anyone to hatch any plans with. But once you are back, I'm sure even Haruta will return to his old self...

Not everyone thought so well about the idea, though. And I had known that would happen. This whole thing wasn't an easy topic after all. But it's going to be okay. They will all see that once you are back.

Ace. Once you are back, pops will still be gone. Thatch will still be gone. And Teach will still be alive, roaming around and doing whatever pleases him.

But, no matter what, the one thing I hope most is that you will be able to let it go and just live your new life. Without hatred and thoughts of vengeance.

So now I'm back here where it all began a year ago. Here at your grave, where Shanks told me he had someone I should meet.

The members of the Whitebeard Pirates are all assembled, standing behind me and watching me carefully as I place your devil fruit in front of your gravestone.

As I take a step back, I turn my head slightly and smile at the sight of the place where pops lies. Somehow the thought of his presence here makes me happy. I'm sure he would be glad to know that his plan to save you didn't fail in the end.

I hold a vial with tears from me in phoenix form gently between my fingers. And just as I open it, for a moment the thought that this might all be a lie that woman told me to make fun of me, pops up in my head. But I push it aside. No matter what's going to happen... it would be too late to change my mind now. I will do this and I will believe that it's going to work. In just a moment you will be back and finally, after waiting for so long, I'll be able to embrace you again.

I carefully empty the vial over your devil fruit. And just like freshly shed tears they drip one after another onto it, leaving wet spots where they land.

For a moment nothing happens and my heart drops. But just as I prepare myself to give up and I hear a quiet murmur arise from behind me, the fruit starts glowing. At first, it's barely noticeable, but then the glow grows brighter, so bright that I have to cover my eyes with one of my hands. Then, suddenly, the fruit moves, flying up into the air and a moment later the light is gone and your devil fruit with it.

I blink. Not completely able to comprehend what had just happened. Was it a failure after all, I wonder?

Then, without prior notice, another light emerges. This time it's exactly above your grave. And this time, it's not such a bright light as before. Somehow it's really warm, constantly changing its color from yellow to red, to orange and back. Reminding me of fire. Your flames. It's a comforting feeling that suddenly spreads from my breast through my whole body.

Then, the light grows bigger, changing shape every second, until after some time it has reached the size and form of a human body. Hair shapes, taking a raven black color, your face with every small detail, freckles, lips, everything. Then, your whole body is there, right in front of me. Your clothes that we buried you in form around your body and then I can finally see you as a whole.

The warm light that had been illuminating your body slowly vanishes and your body floats down, your feet lightly touching the grass below you. Then suddenly, you are not floating anymore. Your body falling to its knees... I take a quick step forward and catch you before you fall over. My eyes wide open in disbelieve that you are truly, really here...

In a sudden movement I press my head against your chest... and there it is, your heartbeat. Telling me you are alive. Telling me that I finally have you back.

Tears find their way into my eyes, slowly leaving burning trails on my cheeks before they dripping onto your warm body. "Ace..." I whisper, being unable to say anything else at all.

And I can just barely feel a familiar and loved feeling escaping my body. Knowing that the phoenix has left me. But pressing your body closer to mine, feeling the touch of your skin with my fingers, makes me think that I really don't mind at all.

Then, suddenly, I can hear a muffled noise coming from you. I move you a little away from myself, so that I'm able to look at your face. And I notice the twitching of your eyes, as you try to open them. It takes a moment, but in the end you succeed and for the first time since you had died, our eyes meet and I can't help but overflow with happiness at the sight of you living.

But then, the joy of the moment is suddenly broken... your eyes widen, your hands find their way between us and all of a sudden you push yourself away from me, trying to somehow get away in desperate seeming movements. I let it happen, not knowing what's going on. "Ace... it's me, Marco." I say, trying to calm you down. But you try to get up, however, your legs give in under you and you fall back down onto the ground. I reach out, trying to help, but you flinch away from my touch. "Don't touch me." You say, your voice cold, dripping of hatred and for a moment I feel like a strange force is clutching my heart. After all I've been through, the first thing I receive from you is hate... I swallow hard. "What's wrong, Ace? It's me, please..." I beg.

"Where am I?" You say, confused and there's still a hateful undertone to your voice. Then you look straight at me. "Who are you? What did you do to me?"

My mouth drops open. For once I am completely lost for words. And somehow I feel worse than I ever have since I'd lost you...

* * *

I'll just... leave this here. Crawl under a rock and be sad for a bit. My own story makes me really, really sad :[

(Next chapter probably not before next week, because I gotta work tomorrow and stuff. Also heads up that there are adult chapters coming up. Not next chap, but sometime soon I think. I'm going to change the rating accordingly by then.)

Alena


	8. Shattered to Pieces

**Like a Flame**  
_Chapter 8_: Shattered to Pieces

Just a moment after you had said those utterly defeating words your eyelids dropped down again and your body fell forward once more and this time, as well, I was there to catch you and protect you from the fall.  
I didn't think much about what had just happened, everything that was on my mind right now was only concern and how I could be able to bring you back to the ship as quickly as possible. Because, as soon as I would let the thought of you having forgotten who I was sink in, I'd sure be unable to continue thinking clearly. I did not want that to happen, because the only thing important at the moment was that you were safe... and alive.

People moved away as soon as I approached, but I didn't fail to see some of the shocked expressions on their faces. "Is that Ace?" I heard one of them whisper. "What did they do?" Another one. I held my head low, the only thing important at the moment was you, everything else could wait. Once you were save and everything cooled down a little bit I would tell them that we finally succeeded in fulfilling our father's last wish. We had succeeded in saving you. I had decided that no one else but me should learn the true price we would have to pay for this miracle in the future. Not even you Ace. I won't tell you. Because if I did, I'm sure you wouldn't be able to accept it.

That I'm going to die in a year will be my burden alone to carry.

It didn't take me long to reach the ship. One of our doctors and a few of the nurses came running towards me as soon as they saw me approaching them holding you in my arms. They quickly took you away from me and then refused to allow me to come inside with them. In the end I was left alone in front of a closed door. Not knowing what's going on, not knowing what was wrong with you.

I had saved you, right? You were alive, weren't you? You couldn't just die again. That was impossible. That woman had said you would be healed from the wound that had caused your death. And I had seen the scar where it should have been…

My hands at either side of my body were clenched to fists. I didn't want to lose you once more… not now, not so soon…

Half an hour later the door swung open again. I lifted my head, looking at a nurse that was standing there with a clipboard and a pen in her hands with hopeful eyes.

"Don't worry, captain." She said with the faintest of smiles on her lips. "He's only unconscious, but otherwise his condition is stable. In fact, there's absolutely nothing wrong with him."

I was allowed to go inside then. As soon as I entered your room, the other people that had been inside left. Leaving me alone with you for the first time since you had left us.

I felt a strange feeling of anticipation, but as soon as I noticed your chest rise and drop in a steady rhythm, I couldn't help myself but let out a sigh of relief. You truly were alive.

I took a chair that was standing inside the room, placed it beside your bed and sat down on it.

For a moment all I did was to observe you. You were sleeping so peacefully and for the first time I felt like I had finally gotten you back. I was truly happy. And during that moment I realized that it didn't matter if you would recognize me or not. Because the only thing that was important to me, was that you were here. I was sure that I would be able to deal with everything else, no matter what…

Three days later you finally awoke. It was a sunny day. And as always for the past three days, I was sitting next to you, telling you an unimportant story about one of our crew members. Telling you about things that had happened had become a habit of mine. Somehow I felt like you would like that. Even though I'd never been the chattiest type of person in the past, I thought that somewhat changing for you was a good thing to do.

As the story had ended I was looking at you with a content look on my face, my lips forming a smile I hadn't worn for over a year. Then suddenly, as I lightly brushed a strand of your hair away off your cheek, I saw your eyelids flutter slightly.

I took my hand away and looked at your face, trying to figure out if I had just imagined the movement, or if it had really happened. Then it happened again, your eyes opened a tiny crack wide and then closed again. "Ace!" I exclaimed in excitement.

Your eyes opened once more, this time a tiny bit wider, but nearly instantly you groaned painfully at the daylight that hit you. You lifted your hand to cover your eyes from it and then it took you just a little bit longer to fully open them. As soon as you had managed to do that, you dropped your hand again and observed the room you were in for a bit, until, after a while, your eyes fixated on me. I didn't say a word, too uncomfortably piercing was your glance. Instead I waited for you to say something. And you did.

"Marco…" Your lips barely moved and the word was only a mere whisper, sounding like you were trying it out for the first time in your life. My eyes widened. I nodded eagerly. "Yes, Ace." I reached out, grabbing your hand and then held it closely embraced in my own. "It's me. Do you remember?" I said almost fearfully. Truthfully, I had been prepared that you would still don't know who I was. I'd been prepared that you would maybe call for help and scream at me to leave you alone. But this, this I hadn't prepared myself for.

Your glance shifts, starring at the ceiling you answer only after a while has past. "I do." Your voice is still very quiet, toneless. "Marco." You say my name again, like it still has something unfamiliar about it to you. "You didn't die, did you? How come I'm here?" You still seem to have some trouble speaking, your voice is raw and raspy and the questions come out somewhat shakily.

"I saved you." I say, joyful, glad and somehow even a little proud of it.

You completely ignore my answer, still starring at the ceiling you start speaking once more. "I've had the strangest of dreams." There's a nostalgic undertone to your voice. Your glance shifts once more, this time you look outside the window and behind the glass there's the sky, blue and beautiful and vast and I get the feeling it reminds you of the sea.

"I was below the ocean. Really far, far away from the surface. It was completely dark, but I could feel the water flowing around me. I felt alone. I was scared. I remembered everything, pop's sacrifice, so many people dying. I remembered you, beautifully flying through the sky, your feathers burning brightly and proudly. I remembered Luffy trying to save me. I remembered saving him, I remembered the hotness that spread through my body unlike anything else I had ever experienced. Even my own flames… had never felt like that." You stop for a moment, your face warped into a painful grimace, but before I could even say something, you continue. "The pain in my chest was ever-present. I felt like I couldn't escape it, no matter what. It felt like eternity passed, without anything happening. Day after day. Month after month. Years and years. Nothing but pain and sorrow." You swallow, your voice sounding like it wasn't used to talking so much, but it felt like this was something you needed to tell, no matter what.

Then suddenly, your expression changes, there's a faint smile on your lips now. "Then, after all this time, there was this bright light right in front of me. And I felt like I've had my eyes closed this whole time and if only I had opened them sooner… I would have been able to see her right from the beginning." _Her? _Who could you been talking about, Ace?

"She was bright and warm and her smile was gentle and loving… she embraced me and suddenly all of the pain was gone and there were merely good feelings left inside of me. I remembered the face of her, as she was holding me in her arms. I remembered her talking to me, her voice so gentle and soothing unlike anything else. I felt like I could sleep forever, if only her voice were never to disappear. I was so happy, truly happy…" You take a moment to catch your breath, before you ask me all of a sudden. "Do you know who she was?"

"No." I reply truthfully and somehow I start to feel very uneasy. "My mother, Marco. _She_ saved me. When there was only darkness and pain she came to _help_ me. I had missed her so much and she knew it, so she came to be by my side." Your voice is painful now. I can hear my heart beating faster, louder, somehow already knowing what was going to come.

"Tell me, Marco." You turn to me, your eyes still as hateful as they were the day I had brought you back. And all could think was, _please don't say it. Please don't…_

"Why did you have to save me?" And the way you emphasize the 'save me' in your sentence, so ironically that it truly hurts me, makes me unable to reply.

Because I love you. I say in my head, instead of telling you. Because I need you.

* * *

Before writing this story I read an interesting article about "why you shouldn't bring people back from the dead" that actually gave me the idea to write this story. It made me realize that there were a lot of things that could go wrong. So Ace does actually remember Marco, but that doesn't mean things will be going great from then on!

I feel very sad for poor Marco =(. Oh the things I write to make them suffer.

Next chapter probably next week! (I also got this hopefully great new idea for another fanfiction… But I'll try to NOT write it just yet lmao. I know what happens if I do *whines*)

Also, thank you so, so much for your comments! I really appreciate them, they make me want to continue writing this! :3


	9. Baby Steps

**Like a Flame**  
_Chapter 9_: _Baby Steps_

"Ace, _please._" I say, almost pleading. "You _have_ to get out of here sometime. The doctor said it was alright for you to leave this room two days ago." But just like the days before, you choose to ignore me entirely; instead your eyes are directed at the window, observing the clouds as they pass by. "Come on, Ace. At least talk to me." I try again, this time more firmly. Truthfully, I'm starting to get sick of it. But what point would there be in getting angry at you?

In the end you actually decide to talk to me, but not in a way I'd like you to. "Say, Marco. Why didn't you save pops instead?" Your voice is distant, but still mocking and hurtful. Besides watching the sky and ignoring me, saying things with the sole purpose of hurting me has become about the only thing you do ever since you'd woken up. All the while you seem to be far, far away in your thoughts.

Really, I'd just wish you'd see the bright side of this situation as well. I wonder why you can't just be happy to be with me again. But maybe I'd been mistaken to even ever think you felt the same for me as I did for you. Maybe I just wasn't important enough to you. "Because he wouldn't have wanted that, you know he was prepared to sacrifice himself in order to save you." I say dryly, already knowing your reply. "I didn't want it either." You say spitefully.

"I know." I merely whisper. I just wish it wasn't like this.

It's been a whole weeks since you woke up. And all of our interactions since then have pretty much turned out like this. And even though I was trying to be calm, I was actually starting to get really angry at you. And somehow, even at myself. My initially happy mood had quickly turned around, when I realized that maybe, just maybe I had made a mistake. For all this time I'd been thinking how alone I was and how I wanted you to be by my side again that I'd thought that you must be feeling the same way. But apparently you didn't. Apparently there'd been something good about being dead, or just too much bad about being alive. Maybe you'd been happy to be somewhere where not the whole world hated you. It's not the whole world though. Or maybe that throughout content state you were in when you met your mother really had been that much better than anything I could ever give you. And now I'm even talking as if I was jealous of her, great. But really, why couldn't you just be happy that you had been able to see her and leave that behind for now? Was I nothing to you? Did I really count so little?

Just as I tried to ask you for what reason you truly started to hate me so much, you suffocate my attempt to speak with your own words. And this time your voice sounds more painful, more like you were suffering, instead of the usual bitterness and hate. "Marco... why didn't you bring me back earlier, why did you wait a whole year to do it?" You turn your head around, looking directly at me for the first time since days as you say those words and I'm sure I can even see tears dwell in the corners of your eyes. And for the first time, you've said something that sounded like you were actually glad to be alive again. This wasn't something that was completely meant to hurt me, it was more pleading, more fearful. This sounded more reasonable, like you'd finally accepted a part of it and just maybe we would be able to deal with it better from now on.

But it also makes me feel so much more angry about myself for not realizing the problem that bothered you sooner.

I drop to my knees right in front of your bed, my hands folded in my lap, head lowered. "I'm sorry I didn't... I would have if I could have done it, but we needed your devil fruit and it wasn't easy to find it... I'm really sorry, Ace..." And I'm even more sorry for lying to you. The truth was I wanted to have as much time as possible with you and for that I was even okay with waiting a year until I brought you back. Would that be my doom? Of course just a day would have been okay, even for that amount of time I would have done it… but the prospect of getting a whole year together with you had just been too tempting to ignore. But that was something I could definitely not tell you, no matter what...

"I had thought about you every day though. I've had my mind set on doing this from the first day on... and I wish I could have done it back then. I really wish I could have spared you and everyone else the suffering..."

Then I don't know what else to say, I just hope my words would reach you this time. Maybe we could still get back to normal, even if it was a slow process. I would give anything to achieve that. I would do anything for you to stop looking at me with those hateful eyes...

Then, suddenly, I feel warm fingers lightly touching the top of my head. My eyes widen in surprise as I look up to find you crying and sobbing, your other hand covering your mouth to muffle the sounds coming from it. And just in between sobs I can hear you say it. "'I'm so sorry... Marco..." Repeating it again and again. And I can't help but start crying myself.

* * *

"I can't use my devil fruit powers anymore." You say somewhat sad. You're standing at the railing, your hands stretched out in front of you, carefully looking at them.

It's only been an hour since you finally agreed to leave your room and the things you've said so far had all been random observations like this one.

"I know." I say, stepping beside you. I try to touch your arm with my hand, but you jerk away almost instantly. It's still difficult. So instead I stretch out my arm beside yours. "I can't either." And for the first time I truly feel that the phoenix is gone. I truly realize I will never be able to fly again and I feel like part of my freedom has been taken from me.

"So it was a one-time kinda deal." You say matter-of-factly. "Yeah." I reply. "But a trade I gladly did." After all it's you I got in return, so who cares about the phoenix. It's not important anymore. Only _you_ are.

You drop your arms, your glance wanders over the ocean before you. "I'm sorry for the things I said, you know. But even though you said it had only been a year, it was like an eternity for me and then the moment I was saved and happy, I get ripped out of my dream. It felt like my body was torn apart, like something was forcefully taken from me and then something else put inside. And the next thing I know is I awaken in a bed and you are sitting next to me and you took her away from me... and I just... I was so angry..." You stop. Your voice has become enraged again, but I get the feeling you are also somewhat trying to suppress that anger now. And I'm just trying to understand all of those negative feelings you'd bottled up inside of you. So in the end you couldn't be glad to be alive again, because you weren't able to see the good in it?

"Let's just forget about it for now, okay?" I suggest carefully and out of the corner of my eyes I can see you nod slightly at the prospect. I'm just glad we were able to move from that point.

"Ace, you haven't eaten much yet. Are you hungry?" I suddenly ask you carefully. Trying to get you to think about something you usually liked instead of dwelling on thoughts that will only make you feel worse.

"Yeah." You say as you turn around. "I'll go alone." You add as you start walking away from the place we had been standing at.

I furrow my brows. A moment later I'm right behind you, reaching out to grab your arm and pull you back. "Stop doing that!" I say somewhat agitated. Enough is enough already. I can't stand this anymore. "Stop acting like I'm completely unimportant to you. Why do you have to do that, Ace? It's hurtful, goddammit!" Your lips part and let out a shocked _Oh_, but other than that you don't reply at all.

"At least tell me if you don't want to be with me anymore. At least tell me what your problem with me is!" I've been patient for long enough now, but even I have my limits, I really don't want to do this anymore.

I never wanted it to be like this, but as you still don't reply and instead just keep staring at me with that shocked expression on your face, I slowly move my head forward and place a short but firm kiss on your lips. You try to flinch away, but I'm still holding your arm in my hand, so instead of allowing you to get away I pull you closer, putting my other hand around your body to hold you in place as I kiss you again. And it feels so good, I almost forget the kind of situation we are currently in. But as our lips part not too long after, I let go of your arm and almost instantly you take a quick step back.

"I just want to know why it has to be like this between us, Ace." I say, more calmly this time. "I've never done anything to harm you, so don't reject me like this, _please_ just don't do that."

* * *

OwwwO

It's not next week yet, but here's a new chapter anyway! Wee~

** Anjelle**: I had the link saved for some time, but after switching browsers a while ago I lost it x(.

I really don't believe in an afterlife like this either, but for the sake of the story that's just how I wanted it to be.

** Makkin**: Thank you! That actually may or may not be important again in the future!

** azab**: Glad you do!


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